Friday, 21 August 2009

Expert Opinion: Future With Japan to be Peaceful, Prosperous, once Japan Loses the War


I Predict a Peaceful, Conflict Free Future with Japan, as soon as Japan Loses the War

As a scholar of East-Asian History, a graduate from the most objective and unbiased East-Asian History Program outside of the ultra-selective University of Pyongyang, it is my pleasure to contribute this piece of expert analysis to the gentle blog, Dokdo Is Ours.

It is well-known that in recent history, textbooks have become yet another battleground of conflict between the nationalists of China, of the Koreas, and also of Japan. We have seen those conflicts over disparate tellings of national histories stir up over Japanese Imperial actions in Nanking, as well as in the territorial conflicts over Dokdo, and in Japan's refusal to fully acknowledge the horrificousity of its colonial times and war crimes. Meanwhile, Korean comfort women are left out in the cold and the grandchildren of Japanese collaborators are still living on land coopted by the Japanese to reward traitors against the Korean master-race. However, it is my firm belief that these kinds of strife will not last forever. In fact, I will be so bold as to predict a coming golden age in East-Asian relationships, where Japan will apologize sincerely at last, and offer full reparations to all the countries it offended or damaged during its imperial reign of terror and rape, just as soon as it loses the war.

On the day when Korean forces truly, fully assert our ownership of Dokdo with the full strength of the Korean Military, when we strike out to crush the military power and the economic infrastructure and the civilian population of that rogue nation to the east, when Japan's rulers have surrendered, face-down on the floor of the Blue House, stricken with grief at the millions of baby-eating Jappo civilians lost in the great blitzkreig of Han Justice and Righteous Vengeance, it will signal the beginning of a great era of friendly and uplifting relations between all countries of East Asia.

When China looks across the soon-to-be-renamed Korean Sea Korea West of Korea, which will make a nice matching name with the Korean Sea Korea East of Korea, when they see the destruction we have wrought upon the hapless Chapanese (we plan to alter the spelling of THEIR country's name, too, by gum!), and when they, too, at last acknowledge Korean supremacy in all respects, when they surrender forever all claims on Baekdu Mountain and rename their capital New Seoul in honor of their superiors, and finally acknowledge that the Imperial Palace in Beijing might be bigger, but lacks harmony with nature, it will indeed herald a great peaceful age of mutually beneficial coexistence in East Asia, which shall be remembered for all time as a blossoming of cultural exchange, that is, people buying Korean products.

In my studies of history, I can say this with all the authority of a historian-analyst, that once Korea has won the war, finally, we will be at peace with our neighbors, both the dirty and the two-faced inferior races which have so long played the usurpers of Korea's rightful place of dominance in the East-Asian theater. Until this happens, there may be strife, yes, but we must think of these as growing pains, just as Japan will have to think of the loss of most of the population of Tokyo to Korean bombing as a growing pain, before it reaches true maturity as an enlightened East-Asion culture finally reaching its apex under the wise guidance of their Korean neighbors. Indeed, for the good of all in East-Asia, and for a peaceful and prosperous future, Korea must settle for nothing less than establishing itself as such a power: to fail to do so would be a shameful neglect of the responsibility that comes with being the master-race!

5 comments:

Korean Rum Diary said...

Pah! No Korean can kill more than 33 people without then shooting himself. Korea don't stand a chance.

Anonymous said...

Comfort women aren't really something to joke about...

Dokdo Is Ours said...

That's why I don't make jokes about them.

References to them in jokes about something else... that's a whole other kettle of fish, but I'll close down the blog forever before you see me make light of what they went through.

Read more carefully, Anonymous.

Mark said...

Hail thee oh great Korean spirit! Thy warriors shalt prevail over the inferior heterogeneous races of the world and the pong of kimchi shall then pervade all directions! For when the master race finally rules the world all will be well.

Anonymous said...

All Hail Mark: that was a top five ever comment at D.I.O.. Look forward to more.

dokdoisours: too lazy to sign in