Friday, 31 July 2009

Boryeong Mud Festival's "Inferno" Theme A Wild Success

The Boryeong Mud Festival's organizers are thrilled by the success of the theme they chose for this year's Boryeong Mud Festival.

"We were looking at the paintings of Gustave Dore and Heironymous Bosch -- the cluttered jumbles of human forms -- and it seemed like a no-brainer to us to make this kind of ancient art the theme of our festival."

Dante's Hell

: The Garden of Earthly Delights

The Damned Descend into Hell
Franz Francken (source)
It was our hope to recreate some of that jumbled madness at the festival this summer, said Jung Won-ki, programs coordinator.

"Both on land and in the water, really, we were hoping for this kind of effect."

sources (one and two)
Gustave Dore: Dante's Inferno.

Mud festival pictures from here
Comparing these ancient masterpieces with photography from the mud festival, Jung Won-ki smiles a sly smile.

"I think they look exactly the same."
"Don't you?"

"We were thinking about asking people to dress up...but it turned out not to be necessary."

"Really, Dante would be proud to see a scene like this."

"Except this last one. This one's just bloody hot!"

Sunday, 19 July 2009

This Just In: Talent Not A Requisite for K-Pop Success

HT to All K-Pop

The huge success of the Infinity Challenge Mini-Album has proven that the absence of actual talent is not an actual detriment to one's chance at K-pop success. Hastily slapped-together songwriting, low production quality, constricting recording/production time-frames and a lack of album unity also don't matter, as long as the performers are reported on the right TV shows, and have a strong enough online presence.

This also just in:
Bear Shits In Woods!

Oh my fuc&ing God, are you serious?

Friday, 17 July 2009

Proposed Replacement Slogans for Korea: Sparkling!

HT to ROK Drop

  • South Korea: Different from North Korea!
  • South Korea: Land of Fruit-Vendors and Bat-shit Politicians
  • South Korea: Can You Spot the Nork Spy?
  • Korea: We Don't Read Our English T-Shirts Before We Buy Them...but You Can!
  • South Korea: Schedule An Extra 7 Days for Quarantine!
  • South Korea: Seriously, We DON'T all Look The Same. Come and See.
  • South Korea: We'll Only Hate You If You Teach English
  • The Korea Formerly Known As Sparkling!
  • Korea: ________ (adjective)! We are very ______ (adjective)! Come ______(verb) in our ________ (place name)! Our ________ is spicy.
  • Come to South Korea, so We Don't Have To Travel Abroad to Form Prejudices About People from Your Country!
  • South Korea: More Polite Than China!
  • South Korea: Cleaner than Calcutta!
  • Korea: Hub of Self-Aggrandizing Pronouncements
  • South Korea: Cheaper than Japan, and Better at Women's Golf!
  • Korea: Go Talk To The Foreigner, Young-mi!
  • South Korea: No Longer a War-Torn Shithole!
  • Do You Know Park Jisung?
  • South Korea: Bigger Than Koreatown LA!
  • Do You Know Korea?
  • Korea Virus!
  • Korea: Pushiest Christians in the World!
  • Korea: Somebody Once Called Us The Polite Country To The East, And We've Been Holding Onto that For A While
  • Korea: We Celebrate Every Special Occasion With Hot Girls In Short Skirts!

Put Your Own Suggestions In The Comments:

Friday, 3 July 2009

Lee Eun-eung to expand hate campaign to include unqualified Korean Nationals.

Lee Eun-eung, key member and mouthpiece of the Anti-English spectrum, has revealed a surprising change of tactics in his hate campaign against foreign English teachers.

"I have spent hours and weeks and years now, hating foreign English teachers. Unqualified foreign English teachers who fake degrees and do drugs and have consensual sex with Korean women who will not have sex with me. However, these days, I have realized something important, but to explain it properly, I have to give you some background.

"You see, it started last Sunday after I got together with some of my Anti-English Spectrum activists, following a white person in our neighborhood. We picked up his trail as he left church with a Korean woman, and also her Korean husband and children, and we followed him furtively to this Korean woman's apartment building, where he was obviously planning to have adulterous sex with her at knifepoint in front of her family, scarring the precious pure-blood Korean children for life. We followed him to the apartment building, and then threw rocks through the window of their apartment and shouted "Yankee Go Home!" and to prevent the degradation of that Korean woman, we shouted, "You're a whore to associate with Western men!" and other swear words we learned from watching American movies. God I love Tarantino. Don't you? Then, satisfied that we had prevented him from violating yet another pure Korean family, and degrading Korean women yet again, we decided to celebrate our bravery with a visit to the room salon."

"There, while celebrating our brave actions protecting Korea's pure han women by watching a titty show, and congratulating each other for helping Korean women to stay virtuous by buying each other lap-dances, you know, to help these pure Korean virgins pay for school, I felt an empty feeling.

"You see, after my mother disowned me and masturbating stopped being pleasurable for me years ago, once all the fetish videos I could find didn't help, I found that hating foreign English teachers was enough for me to find emotional catharsis, despite my frustration in, um, other areas of life. However, as I approach more and more Korean women who don't want to have sex with me, even after I hit them or their boyfriends to show my strength and prowess as a protector, or offer them money to demonstrate my financial stability and potential as a bread-winner, my frustration and misanthropy has grown too large to limit it to the tiny number of foreign English teachers in Korea. I realized that Korea is full of men who are unqualified to steal women to whom I have a natural birth-right, as the finest specimen the han-bloodline has to offer. It is now my intention to attempt to expel ALL men who are unqualified to steal my women, regardless of nationality, so that Korean women will be protected from any ineligible or unqualified possible mate, and the worthy will finally have their rightful choice of the virtuous Han females."

"Virtuous Han females?" Dokdo Is Ours asked.

"Yes. Who get tricked into being whores and have consensual sex with men who are not me. You see, many Korean women who will not have sex with me are instead having sex with foreign men...but many more again are having sex with KOREAN men, and so, I am being denied my rightful Han vagina."

"And you had this revelation..."

"At a titty bar. Yes. I have all my best ideas about how to respect and protect Korea's virtuous women at the titty bar."

"So," the intrepid journalist Dokdo Is Ours asked, "Who are some of the Korean citizens you would deem unworthy of Korean females?"

"Well, first of all, those presumptuous snobs who have more money than I do. Those shallow pricks have got to go. Ship'em off to America or something. Second, all the lazy slobs who have less money than me -- they have no ability to provide for Korea's virtuous women, so they have to go, too. To China, I guess. Deport them wherever. I don't care."

"Anybody else?"

"Those fancy-boys who are handsomer than I am have to stop putting on their stupid airs and leave the country. Also, all those disgusting jerks uglier than me are not worthy of staying in Korea. The pretentious phoneys who have more education than I do are disqualified from being with one of Korea's pure women, and the idiots with less education than me are also unworthy, of course."

"And don't you think Korea's women have the intelligence, and should have the freedom, to choose the partner they want?"

"What do you mean? Korea's virtuous women are hypnotized by blue eyes, good looks, intelligence, education, charm, good manners, money, class, respectful behavior, kindness, morals, or good upbringing, and like a voodoo spell, they lose the ability to choose a proper partner: ME!"

"So you've decided not to rest until every Korean man except yourself is expelled from Korea."

"That's right! So many men getting laid, and I'm not one of them! If my looks, money, education and manners, along with my expansive, open-mind and tolerant attitude are not enough to lead a woman to my protrusive embrace, then let them come to me because I'm the only man left in Korea!"

"And what do the other members of the Anti-English spectrum think about this?"

"As long as they can stay in Korea after all the other men have been expelled, they're all for it."

"How will you achieve this kind of a goal?"

"Well, we're going to start off by following around different men in our neighborhoods and discover their unsavory activities and evidence of bad character. Then we will expose them and warn them to leave Korea before we alert the authorities. We will continue doing this until every unworthy man in Korea has left the country, or until we get laid. So, we'll probably never stop. Hey. Who are you? What kind of a name is Dokdo Is Ours? Are you trying to steal one of MY women? I have a buddy who can trail you. Let me call him."

It seemed a prudent time to end the interview.

Dokdo Is Ours, Reporting.