Lee MyungBak: Multicultural Korea Welcomes Everyone -- "Even Darkies"

In conjunction with recent efforts to re-brand and globalize different aspects of Korean society, Korean president Lee Myung-bak made a stirring speech on Monday, inviting the diverse peoples living in Korea to participate actively in Korean society.

"We want to welcome all different people to join in making Korea great. Even darkies." President Lee Myung-bak said. "These days there have been some controversies about foreigners in Korea, and blatant racism, for example assaults on city buses; however, we want to make it clear that that guy won his case, and therefore Korea is now safe for foreigners to visit, without absolutely no risk of harassment.

"The fact is, we need foreigners these days: now that the birthrate is so low, we need people from inferior countries to work the jobs that are looked down upon, in order to prop up our economy and birthrate, and help our country remain superior to the home countries of those factory workers and foreign brides. Maintaining our standing as one of the world's developed nation means so much to us that we are even willing to sully the pure Korean bloodline in order to maintain it.

"Toward this end, we welcome any strong-backed male who does not wish to marry Korean women -- especially eunuchs, but even darkies -- as well as any non-Korean woman who is willing to marry a Korean man, and we leave the type of woman we welcome entirely up to the discretion of the Korean men, to choose whom they like, and turn up their noses at those they dislike. So probably no fatties.

You're especially welcome if you win a superbowl.

"We welcome your dirty-blooded mixed children into our factories, and we look forward to them playing an important role in Korean society, as building security guards, as trash collectors and gum-vendors, taxi and hogwan bus-drivers, and as sweet-hearted idiot sports team mascots, once the current generation of seniors, who currently play those roles, die off. We welcome the Western investor's money, we welcome the English teacher's... blue eyes... tank tops... and... grammar corrections... as well as the money their drug and HIV testing fees bring in. Yeah. We guess we appreciate those.

Yes," and here Lee Myung-bak stepped out from behind his podium, raising his hands above his heads. "We welcome wops, mics, honkies, mungs, gooks, jerries, frogs, rag-heads, darkies, wiggers, and mutts of any kind ... but not japs. Unless they're tourists with their wallets open. We welcome you all to Korea: a truly modern, open society!"

The press room stood and applauded, both for the president, and for Korea's future, as home for the full rainbow of inferior races, ready to be exploited for the benefit of the motherland.