Tuesday, 18 November 2008

Korea Unveils FIFTH Distinct Season: Take that, Japan! Boo-yah!

After the unbearable humiliation of having no more distinct seasons than most countries in the non-equatorial/arctic world, this week, Korean engineers and meteorologists are proud to roll out the latest great innovation in Korea's long string of proofs of our cultural superiority to Japan fu¢king everyone.

It is DokdoIsOurs' pleasure to be the first to introduce Korea' fifth season: after decades of intensive research, and the ruling out of "Yellow Dust Season" in spring as a legitimate fifth season, because it is too dependent on China, and those dirty, greasy-food eating bastards would probably re-forest the Gobi Desert if they realized it was helping Korea be awesomer than them.

Ladies and gentlemen, gaze in awe at the newest marvel of Korean culture and engineering: debuting on Monday November 17th, we proudly present to you, "Winter Two, Korean World Hub Of Winter"That's right.  Korea will now have a second, colder winter, along with the regular winter that shitholes other countries like Japan have.  It will be more winter than anything they have damnit!  And we'll ALWAYS have snow on our palace eaves, making them look more picturesque than some dumb forbidden palace in Beijing that's too big and isn't connected to nature and only has a piddly crappy mountain behind it for feng shui, instead of a badass mountain like Bukhansan.
Also, in Winter Two: Korean World Hub Of Winter, also known by its shorter name of, "Sexy Winter," inspired by the popular cultural imperialism tracer bullet/prototype exported TV Drama Winter Sonata, or Winter Love Song, starring Korea's most popular leading lady, Bae Yong-joon, people are only allowed to dress sexy, and act like they are in a fantasy world of TV Drama characters, romances, and love triangles. 
Most experts predict Koreans will have not trouble acclimating to the new Sexy Winter, because over the last few years, Korean fashion moguls have been working in concert with the Winter Two: Korean World Hub Of Winter team to help Koreans grow accustomed to the kinds of fashions that will be expected during Sexy Winter.
The Korean Military has also been involved in the build-up to the unveiling of Sexy Winter.

Most Koreans are very excited about the unveiling of Winter Two: Korean World Hub Of Winter.  Salaryman Choi Jung-hoon, said, "I always thought Russia and Canada kind of had a corner on Winter, with Norway somewhere in the top five... the fact that we've developed Winter Two before any of them is amazing!  Go Korea!  DAEHANMINGUK!"

Elementary schools around Korea have gotten in on the excitement as well, leading students in chants of "It's cold" and "It's cold" and also, "It's cold," every morning, before beginning classes, and instructing students in how to wear unzipped spring jackets and hot-pants during the dead of winters one AND two, in order to maximize opportunities to use that phrase, which has suddenly become a celebration of Korea's seasonal superiority to other countries.

Ikkik Ikinngut was beside himself with disappointment at Korea's developing Winter Two before Greenland.

"I just can't fu¢king believe it.  Can you imagine how many winters Greenland could have by now, though, if we had so many people to put on the job?  I mean, Jesus!  Fifty-five million, you know?  We've got about 58 000 people to develop new seasons over here, and most of those are just trying to think up new, more colorful ways to say, 'Fu¢k, I'm cold right now,' and 'look out for that ice'  This is a terrible day for Greenland.  Just terrible."

Icelander/pop singer Bjork also had something to say about Korea's new Winter Two: Korean World Hub of Winter: "It's cold like a swan and I dream I wonder if I could, then I would sail on a gel and crystal bathtub through a fiery aurora sky like Winter Two and also the feverish staaa-haaaars!"

DokdoIsOurs is pretty sure that means congratulations.

Leaders of several of Korea's nationalist groups are upset that the Sexy Winter development team didn't manage to incorporate seagulls into the new winter.

"How the hell is Winter Two: Korean World Hub of Winter" going to strengthen Korea's claim on Dokdo when there isn't a single thing about seagulls in this new Winter Two?  I don't think it serves any purpose at all," Park Bae-Gyung, lead singer of Minjok and the Pure-Bloods, a nationalist punk band, complained.

Ho Won-Joon, the King of Jeju Island, Korea's Hawaii, however, loved the new season.  "Hopefully this means there will also be two winter vacations; we expect winter tourism to double here on Jeju Island, thanks to Korea's unique culture of extra winters.  Our hotel and hospitality business owners are thrilled about this news.  Hopefully even with the increased traffic, people still won't notice that it actually isn't much warmer here than anywhere else in Korea during the winter.  But we have ponies."

Russia and Canada's ambassadors could not be reached for comment: sheer embarrassment, this reporter believes.

So far, the other Korean weather bloggers who have all suddenly appeared, have not picked up this story.  Hopefully, they will correct this omission promptly.

3 comments:

ExpatJane said...

u.r.a.fool ;)

calliejane said...

"Korea's most popular leading lady, Bae Yong-joon." LOL

Marilyn said...

OMG I love Minjok and the Pure Bloods!!1!