Sunday, 27 September 2009

Korean Salaryman Admits he's "Fucking Tired" of Samgyupsal and Soju

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Korean Salaryman Admits he's "Fucking Tired" of Samgyupsal and Soju

In a startling revelation, middle-manager and salaryman Oh Jung-soo confided in one of this coworkers, departmental accountant Kang Shwi-haeng, that he was "fucking tired" of soju and samgyupsal.

"It's nothing wrong with samgyupsal itself -- don't get me wrong -- it's just that we've been eating it for every bloody hoeshik, twice a week, for all twelve brain-addling years I've been at this company."

The accountant Kang tried his best to take the confession in stride. "I don't know why but people feel like they can tell me things," Kang said. For example, manager Oh often tells me, and nobody else, which WonderGirl he wants to bone, and describes the encounter in the kind of loving detail he wouldn't give to the description he offers any old Yu-mi in the office when he's propositioning secretaries."

While sexual fantasies might seem like more commonplace confidences, Kang remains baffled as to why Oh would admit his dislike for such a quintessentially Korean meal as soju and samgyupsal.

"Don't get me wrong, I'm Korean to the bone! I eat kimchi every day, and I perved on Kim Yu-na before she came of age with the best of'em," Oh said, "but you know, I've probably eaten an entire pig, just on my own, at these dull office-dinners, and sometimes I'd love to just suggest something else. Budaejigae, or dalkgalbi. It doesn't even have to be foreign food -- I'm no dirty waygukin, you know. My blood is pure as North Korea!"

Others in the office have admitted to considering other restaurants before. "There's a noodle place I often go for lunch," Shin, a programmer, says, "but I just thought the samgyupsal place was where we always went."

"Once, I almost suggested we go somewhere else," said Lee, a senior filing clerk, "I'm very fond of seafood myself, but then I thought, "what if somebody doesn't LIKE seafood? And I don't dare speak up. Samgyupsal is good enough."

Kwak, an analyst, and a vegetarian, has never said anything about the restaurant choice, despite working with the company for fifteen years, now. "I'd just be rocking the boat, and really, I don't mind. The others seem to like it, and I just satisfy myself with eating the lettuce and side-dishes until I can get home and round out my diet with some nuts or something."

When the division manager, Yeong-gwan Kwak, was told someone in his office likes to eat nuts, he answered, "That's impossible. Not in Korea."

Oh's admission did cause some ripples in the office, however: one worker, who asked to remain anonymous, asked, "Who does he think he is, anyway? Think he's better than the rest of us, who eat our samgyup without complaining? That selfish wanker's going to ruin things for everyone. No more free dinners twice a week, if HE has his way. What if more people want a little VARIETY? Next thing you know people will be skipping hoeshik altogether, going home at six in the evening, and saying no to the boss, and then it'll be anarchy, ANARCHY, I say!"

Confronted with such objections, Oh was quick to backpedal: "I never wanted to cause a stir," he mumbled. "Forget I ever mentioned it." However, it might be too late for Oh already: a colleague got nervous about his individual thinking and reported his subversive talk to the National Intelligence Service. "He might be clean and free of North Korean ties. . . but you can never be too safe, you know?"

For the record, Dokdo Is Ours loves soju and samgyupsal. This is a real, red-blooded, loyal countryman, reporting. Japan sucks.

3 comments:

3gyupsal said...

Nothing like drunk people to handle raw pork.

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