In The Style Ask The Expat's Troll Would Prefer

A shrewd, and insightful anus-nymous writer over at Ask The Expat has graced us with a question as insightful as any aphorism in the Tao Te Ching.

From the golden pen, the glorious keyboard, of Analnymous, comes the questions:

"Why are you dick bloggers such arrogant dicks? No one cares what you dicks think."


Sweet.

As a blogger myself, this sage question has gotten me to thinking about how I blog, so it's time to introduce a non-arrogant dick blog, who writes exactly in the way anus-nymous purportedly wants.

I'll choose a typical topic, to get warmed up.


Hi there my obviously smarter than me even though I've never heard of you readers. The topic I would like to write about today, if it doesn't bother you all too much, and especially if it doesn't make me come across as an arrogant dick, I'd like to not be TOO wrong about Korea's test culture.

As you can see much better than I can, all you people who have been here longer, write better, are humbler, and smarter, have better grammar, and know more about Korea than I do, Korea's education, if I dare say, is different from you knew it in North America... I hope I haven't offended any of you by writing for the large number of my readers who ARE from North America, you specifically may not be.

Now, Korea has a test culture. While I don't know much about it, I do know that I am an ignoramus. Also, Koreans like tests. A lot of tests. Really, I'm nervous to say anything more than that, for fear that I reveal my stupidity. Honestly, I wish I weren't such an egomaniac, so focused on promoting my ideas. I swallow my words, and honestly, the main thing I want to do is just hand this blog over to anonymous people.

You see, as I think about it more, it is way, way more honorable to lurk silently online, to anonymously read the stuff another person works to write, and call it crap, and disparage the characters of those who write them. Really, they are so brave to not write anything of their own -- it must be taken as a sign of true honor that they value their words too highly to spread them meaninglessly on the internet. Frankly, the amount of disdain they pile on our blogs, despite the time and effort we put into them, only shows how much cooler they are than us: too cool even to have their own blog, where they talk about their own, way awesomer ideas than ours. Really, offering up real names and standing by those names is for saps. User IDs and recognizable identification is simply a cop-out for those of us too lame to remain nameless. I can't believe some bloggers don't allow anonymous commenters to comment on their blogs. How lame.

Anyway, I just wish I had people as smart as Anus-nymous, who is probably a ninja, calling me a dick on MY blog, because I could sure use the humbling experience. It would also save him the time of writing his own blog, if he just came and shat on the comment board of my blog. That would be great. I'd even feel cool by association just by having him put his smart stuff on my comment boards.