Hey everybody reading this. You should go buy Samsung products. They sure are great. Let me tell you. I use a Samsung phone. I'd write this blog on my Samsung phone if I could afford a cool enough Samsung phone. 'Cause Samsung sure is great. I wish my blog's address were "samsungisours.samsung.samsung" but Samsung already owned that URL, so I had to settle for Dokdo Is Ours. By the way: nobody reads this blog, and I'm a satire writer: it says so on the side there, so everybody knows not to take me seriously. My picture is a monkey. That pretty much says it all. Just so you know, you big tough, wonderful, good-looking Samsung legal team.
And here's what everybody's thinking so far:
Samsung: "geez. This big pile of money doesn't keep me warm at night. Maybe if people only say good things about us, we'll be warmer. Maybe punishing those who speak ill of us, and making their women wail and their children flee before us will satisfy the emptiness I feel at night"
Everybody who hears about the story: jeez; now I actually want to read Michael Breen's column.
Breen's Column: just when I thought everybody'd forgotten about me... READERS!!!!
Everybody who hears about the story: "wow. They're actually suing Breen for saying that? Is this kind of like when you know somebody's lying because their denial is suspiciously vehement?"
The hospital gown/wheelchair company: hmm. Order from "Legal defense team of M. Breen... IV stand... one; hospital gown... one..."
Kushibo, Brian, Extra Korea, Jon Glionna (LA Times): "... smart stuff..." (not me. I'm just a comedian. And *please note, Samsung Legal Team: NOBODY TAKES ME SERIOUSLY [you should ask me how it feels; many more lawsuits like this and we'll be in the same boat])
LA Times: "hey, do you think they're going to sue US next? Maybe we should have thought again about this."
Free Speech: "Can somebody throw me a bone here? I'm fucking dying!"
Lousy Korea: "See? SEE?"
President LMB: "Sorry. I was checking my sweet phone. Did I miss anything? Anyway, whatever Samsung said."
Samsung: Ignorance is strength, suppression is freedom, credit card debt is prosperity. New line of smart touch phones coming out soon!
2NE1: We still get paid, right?
For you, Samsung:
Update: Samsung's very good-looking and winsome legal team has apparently decided to drop the case against Breen. Huzzah. Free speech is now thinking "Yeah, but still..."