Monday 26 July 2010

Kim Tae Hee Enters Korean Pantheon: Perfectly Proportioned Face Makes Her Korea's Shania Twain

At long last, Kim Tae-hee is ready to join the ranks of Korea's truly elite stars.  While she has made her mark in TV and commercial entertainment, and particularly in modeling, she could never before claim a to be one of Korea's elite.

It is well known that Moon Geun-yeong is "Korea's little sister" and likeable popstar Kim Geon-mo is "Korea's singer".  Meanwhile, Jung Ji-hoon or Rain is Korea's Justin Timberlake, Han Ga-in is Korea's Olivia Hussey, Um Jung-hwa is Korea's Madonna, Lee Jun-ki is Korea's Sandra Bullock, and Bae Yong-joon is Korea's Julia Roberts.  However, with the recent release of a study into the proportions of stars' faces, it has been revealed that Shania Twain's face follows the golden ratio, the ideal proportions for beauty.  Kim, also known for having a face with ideal proportions, describes the moment she heard the news.

"I was sitting in a noraebang being propositioned by another rich old creep for sponsorship when I got the text messsage.  I jumped off his lap so quickly my elbow nearly broke his nose, and I ran out of the sketchy singing room to call my mother."  Her mother was crying with joy.  "At last, you can be validated for your unique place in Korea's star constellation, by being known as Korea's version of someone more famous!" her mother gushed.  "From now on, you will be known as Korea's Shania Twain!"  With this new status, Kim Tae-hee will no longer allow herself to be propositioned for 'sponsorship' by rich creeps in sketchy noraebangs: henceforward, she will be propositioned for 'sponsorship' by chaebol creeps in luxurious noraebangs!

Now that the archetype of which she is a derivative has been found, Kim Tae-hee can have her star on "Korea's Hollywood's Walk of Fame" - a sidewalk with stars carved into it, that is smaller and less impressive than the original Hollywood Walk of Fame.  "We always liked Kim Tae Hee," said Chung Won-jae, curator of the unimpressive alley in Yeongdeungpo, near Korea's Times Square, "but without a better version of her from another country, we couldn't put her on the walk, with her picture being overshadowed by a larger, better picture of another star: Shania Twain, in this case."
Kim Tae hee's face (picture) to be overshadowed by a larger, better picture of Shania Twain

The induction ceremony is expected to be soon.  "We might have it on Korea's Thanksgiving, or maybe on Korea's Independence Day, or on Korea's New Year's, or possibly the birthday of Korea's Sir Walter Raleigh - Admiral Lee Sunshin."


Anonymous said...

This blog is getting increasingly more racist and mocking of the blogger's host country.

It was a lot funnier when he made fun of Koreans and expats a like. Now it sounds like he has an ax to grind.

Also, blogger forgot to make fun of Kim Tae Hee's minimal acting skills, which is the most mocked about thing about her in the Korean blogsphere.

Dokdo Is Ours said...

when clicking on your name leads to a link to a blog which you write, Edward, rather than just a "Profile unavailable for viewing"... AND that blog is funnier than mine... I'll think about caring about your criticism. Until then... you got what you paid for now, didn't you?

Everybody gets their turn, Edward. I'd even make fun of you, if your comment wasn't so boring.

Anonymous said...

My comment was not meant to be entertaining. Informative yes. Fun at the expense of others isn't always fun for everyone every time.

Now, back to the subject at hand. Korea is full of a lot of funny things... not just... ahem... Koreans.

Anonymous said...

I respectfully disagree. I think Koreans who take themselves too seriously is one of the very very funniest things about this whole country. Not that expats aren't guilty of the same... but there are fewer of them.


Anonymous said...

Ooh. forgot to mention this:

send me your article, Edward, and I'll publish it. Mock expats all you like. The email address is on the side.

Anonymous said...

Aside from you two ladies bickering like an old homosexual married couple, Shania Twain is "Smoking" hot.