Wednesday 30 July 2008

To Strengthen Land-Claim, Korea to build Dokdo Airport

The one-hundred percent, all Korean birds flying in the beautiful Korean skies above the lovely Korean Islands of Dokdo will soon have company.

Look out birds: you may soon be joined by jets.

Lacking a major engineering project to line his old Hyundai Construction friends' pockets in the wake of peaceful, happy, wonderful, harmonious candlelight demonstrations, during which 500 teenaged Korean men doing their military service accidentally injured themselves, where police violence destroyed over a hundred of their own police buses, but which convinced the dictator to loosen his Stalinist hold on Korea's national agenda by canceling his plan to build the "Like Chunggyechon, Except the Biggest-ass Motherfucking Chunggyecheon You've Like, Ever Even Seen, Man! Canal," Korean dictator Lee Myung-Bak is contemplating the construction of a "huge-ass airport" on the Korean Dok Islands in the East Sea, DokdoIsOurs has discovered.

"The construction of this airport would effectively end the Dokdo controversy, expand its potential for tourism, and really stick it in the eye of those sake-drinking cocksuckers to the East," No Pheok-Gyu, Korea's ambassador to Japan, said.

"It would be quite an engineering feat to build an airport there, out in the ocean -- not just in terms of setting the foundations right in the ocean, but also logistically, getting the materials out to the ocean where they'd be needed," Jong Hoo-Seop, a sociology professor at Seoul National University, said. No Korean engineering professors had comments when DokDoIsOurs contacted them.

To help with understanding the challenges of building the DokDo Airport, the Hyundai Korean National Department of Construction and Development has contacted Portugese engineers to learn more about their designs for the amazing Madeira Airport runway, built right over a beach, into a mountainside: similar terrain to Dokdo.

"We might model our airport on something like the Portugese have: a pillar-supported runway, and then either a floating airport, or a half-floating airport anchored to one of the Dokdo Islanda," Lee Mong-Chong, the head of the Hyundai Korean National Department of Construction and Development, said.

Professor Jeong Hoo-Seop was very excited about the project. "I predict that completion of this airport will lead Japan to realize at last the heinousness of all the lies and crimes they have committed against Korea in the past, to take responsibility, at long last, for war crimes, colonizations, and the rape of our daughters, as well as correction of historical distortions."

Pressed for a possible name, Mr. Lee Mong-chong mentioned that he favors, "In Your Face, Dirty Japs Airport," though other names are being considered, including "It's The East Sea Not The Sea Of Japan, Motherfuckers Airport," "Lick My Balls Japan Airport" and "Historical Distortion and War Crime Denial Airport." Mr. Lee also hinted about a domestic project in the works to tear down the hospitals, and pull up the railroad tracks and highways built by Japan during "the dark age of colonial aggression." Professor Jeong spends his weekends as a part-time tour guide for Japanese tourists in Insa-dong. ("Tip better than Koreans," he commented.)

Due to the size of runway needed to take tourist flights, a large part of the islands will probably need to be blasted away and leveled to a meter or two above sea level. "Blasting the islands will be easier than getting those concrete pillars right to the bottom of the sea," Ung Dong-hee, a high-level logistics engineer said. "It's unfortunate, but to bring Dokdo into the twenty-first century, and guarantee Korean ownership, it must be done.

Pollution in the waters around Dokdo, caused by building the airport, will probably kill most of the sea life around the island: a few hundred good Korean fisherman will probably lose their livelihood, as well as a few dirty Japanese illegal Korean fish-stealers; however, in the name of strengthening Korea's claim on Dokdo, we hope those fishers will hold their heads with pride as they starve to death for their country.

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