Saturday 27 December 2008

Ask An Internet Comment Troll

DokdoIsOurs is happy to introduce another advice columnist to the DokdoIsOurs roster: this fellow has an interesting view of things, and after intense negotiations, we have convinced him to write in mostly lower case.

Please give an open-minded welcome to an Internet Comment Troll.

Dear Ask an Internet Comment Troll:

I came to Korea two weeks ago, and I'm hoping to get healthy while I live here.  Do you have any suggestions I could follow to improve my health (and figure) while I live in Korea?


Dear Patricia:
Obviously you are a fat slut and you are stupid and worthless.  Wanting to get in shape that way reminds me of Hitler, so you should probably just kill yourself.  Secondly, I'm sorry to tell you, now that you are already here, all Koreans are racist yellow garlic stinking trash and you will never be happy here because they'll just stare at your tits and ask if you're Russian and Korea is a shithole.  So instead, you should just go home and soak in shitty American beer and Macdonalds burger grill grease from your old job back home and smoke pot while your boyfriend cheats on you, because you and your boyfriend have no morals and you can't get a job back in America so you come to Korea and have sex with our women.  Wait. . . Patricia is a woman's name.  Forget that last part.  You're a slut, and a snob too good for small Korean penises!  You don't understand my culture, and you're a fat cow, so you should end it all with a bottle of painkillers because Johnny Depp will never love you.  He loves ME, you bitch!  
You'll have to settle for sympathy fu¢ks from Chuck Norris and fat Steven Segal.  Stop distorting Korea's history because I know a lot of history and I have a Ph.D. in American Beef and you're wrong and I'm right because you're just a fuckin commie and the food here sucks and somebody should just drop a nuke on you and Koreans are rude.

Also, many gyms and workout centers can be found all around Korea's towns and cities for reasonable monthly fees, and discounts if you buy three or six-month packages, and yoga is increasing in popularity as well.  Ask a Korean friend to help you navigate the health and yoga clubs in your neighborhood.

I hope you die, and your mother's a ho.
Happy Holidays
Internet Comment Troll


White Rice said...

Um, I'm not sure if this is already covered somewhere, but...How many seasons does Korea have?

Dokdo Is Ours said...

Sorry, but if you have a question for the DokdoIsOurs comment troll, you'll have to email him at

Also: we already have one comment troll working at Dokdo Is Ours, and he's very territorial, and will zap any comments by other trolls trying to step in on his turf. I hope you understand: he's pretty hard to control now that I've let him out of his cage.