Thursday 10 December 2009

Prioritized List: How to Help Foreigners Adjust to Life In Korea

Note: the higher the item is on the list, the more important we believe it is in helping expats adjust to Korean life.

For more information, see article.

Top Priority: in the brochure:

Tie: 1. make kimchi; Korea has four seasons; can you eat spicy food?; visit palaces; dokdo belongs to Korea, Hangul is the greatest alphabet in the history of anything
2. dokdo belongs to Korea
3. fold paper into animal shapes (NOT origami)
4. class in Korean poetry
5. Japan is bad
6. learn the Dangun myth; did we mention Hangul is great?
7. make more kimchi, and cooking other Korean dishes to please your husband

Second level: digging deeper

8. Korea is 5000 years old
9. Korean family values are better than yours
10. make Korean folding screens
11. learn types of Korean samul-nori drums, and how to play janggu
12. beauty of Hanbok
13. making hanbok
14. dancing in hanbok
15. history of Korean war and hating America

Third level: How long have you been here? You're practically Korean!

16. how to please Korean husband
17. you must have done something to make him hit you
18. knowing your proper place
19. submit to mother-in-law
20. why are you bad, disobedient wife and daughter-in-law?
21. visiting filming sites of Korean Wave dramas and movies
22. how to eat spicy food
23. reasons to hate Japan
24. Samsung is better than Sony
25. why you got quoted a higher first price than that Korean guy
26. make more kimchi
27. health benefits of kimchi
28. history of kimchi
29. Korean pride of kimchi
30. whew! I think I need to make more kimchi after all that
31. get photographed making kimchi
32. make a half-korean baby

Fourth level: filling in the corners, explaining the nuances

33. he was drunk and he probably had a hard life. He didn't know what he was doing
34. language class: how to say nice things about Korea
35. we don't like talking about North Korea
36. (if female) be on Misuda
37. why your darker south-asian skin is bad
38. how to pleasantly accept our condescending behavior toward you
39. getting a bank account and credit card
40. more about that old guy who smells funny and keeps approaching you in the street
41. why being foreign means you don't deserve the more convenient phone plan
42. Korean language: how to bad-mouth English teachers and Japan
43. why your baby is not Korean enough

Fifth level: well fine, since you keep asking

44. finding an apartment
45. things to expect from your mother-in-law once you bear her son's child
46. things to expect from your husband once you bear his child
47. homeschooling options because your baby is half-korean 왕따 (outcast) in school
48. make kimchi
49. reasons to hate Japan
50. how to hide the shame that you're not Korean from your daughter's classmates' mothers
51. Korean language lessons (polite conversation)

Sixth level: You're going to have to ask another foreigner. We've got nothing about that, and we doubt it actually happens

52. how not to get beat up when seen in public with a Korean female
53. how to prove you're not a Russian whore before admittance into a hospital
54. where to get legal advice about exploitative employer
55. how to help my kid speak better Korean
56. resolving landlord disputes
57. contacting rape help center
58. why being assaulted was your fault
59. Korean women are very beautiful
60. contacting your country's embassy
61. how to leave undesirable job situation
62. how to report domestic abuse to police
63. make more kimchi
64. contact Korean Human Rights agencies
65. dokdo belongs to Korea
66. your legal rights in Korea
67. Korean language lessons (explain your complaint to the police)
68. blood-money should be enough to satisfy you
69. location of shelters and welfare groups for battered women
70. divorce abusive husband
71. escape from human traffickers
72. Korean language lessons (refuse to be strong-armed by police into dropping charges)


Unknown said...

pretty funny
and sad in a way

i live and work in korea, as well

you got the insight of
korean stereotypes down pat

i wonder if you
don't sound a little bitter
for good reason

anyway, great job!
hope you feel happier, later

The Sanity Inspector said...

My Korean in-laws keep me well-sheltered from these stereotypes. I love 'em to pieces.

Unknown said...

keep up the good work
sheep like grazing

KoreanFoodCrime said...

I love your site man!

Good stuff, very funny indeed. Keep up the great work!