Wednesday 20 October 2010

Announcement: Korea To Avoid Responsibility for Korea/South Asian Mix Children until One Wins Superbowl

As the number of half-Korean children, born to Korean and South-Asian parents, increases, a recent report shows that many do not receive adequate care when their mothers return to south-asia after divorces with their Korean fathers.

However, both as a nation, and individually, Korea, and Korean fathers, have declared they will shirk responsibility for these children as much as possible, until one of them wins a superbowl, and brings glory to Korea.

"We saw how the Hines Ward story was so heartwarming: the reconciliation theme as the Superbowl MVP's home country finally opened its arms to welcome him home. Really, we're hoping for something similar to happen in South Asia."

After being born in Korea, Hines Ward, the son of a Korean mother and an African-American soldier, was taken to America by his mother, in hopes of a better life. The stigma against mixed babies, and particularly against mixed babies that were half Korean and half...the darker races, proved too much for Ward's mother to raise him in Korea.   Ultimately, Hines Ward became an NFL Football player, and won the Superbowl MVP with the Pittsburgh Steelers.

The Korean minister of Culture, Sports, Tourism and Funny Hats, Jung Han-won, explained the situation.  "You know, if we start trying to find ways to provide for all those babies, or hold Korean fathers legally responsible for their mixed kids, they will be hobbled financially, and unable to produce and raise real Korean babies.  That would just be a shame.  Unacceptable, really.  So Korea will try to avoid taking any responsibility for these babies, for the sake of the birthrate."

Asked how failing to support mothers of Korean children would help make women feel empowered to have more babies, Min. Jung suddenly remembered another appointment, and excused himself from the interview.

A travel agent specializing in trips to the Philippines, Kim Hye-soon, dislikes this decision, and wishes that Korean support for the mothers of half-Korean babies extended not just to the divorced mothers returning to South-Asia, but also to the mothers of illegitimate half-Korean "Kofino" babies fathered by Korean men on sex vacations to the Philippines.  "It's getting harder to find brothels, hostels, and human traffickers who will work with me, when they know Korean men refuse to use condoms on their sex vacations, and once impregnating a woman, run back to Korea, where there is no legal recourse to extract child support payments for their children," she explains.  "Often it's because they're married, but if they're married, isn't that all the more reason to use a goddamn condom, and not bring home a nasty surprise for the wife?"

Kwak Seon-yu, the male tour guide who led many of these Philippine expeditions, disagrees.  "These men are full of confucian virtue: it is the height of discretion to leave the country completely if one wants to cheat on one's wife, and an admirable sign of confucian modesty and restraint that he does not want to boast of his virility, by taking responsibility for the babies he has fathered.  These are true sons of Tangun!"

Gia Agbayani, mother of a healthy Kofino boy, has taken her destiny into her own hands.  "After reading the Hines Ward story, I've gathered a soccer team's worth of these half-Korean boys, and I'm training them to play," she explains.  "If they can start winning when they get older, and especially if they can perform in the World Cup, or get contracts in the EPL or another top European league, maybe we can see a heart-warming story like Hines Ward's here in the Philippines, and those Korean baby-daddys will finally be unable to hide their dalliances."

Dokdo Is Ours, reporting.


Peterson said...

Consider the ajeossi.

kissmykimchi said...

as always

F. said...

oh my god, I almost fall off chair