Tuesday 28 October 2008

K-Blogosphere Travels Down to Jeollanam-do, Throws Brian a Cheer-Up Party

Over a dozen Korea-bloggers travelled to Jeollanam-do last weekend to cheer up Brian Deutsch.  

"We noticed that Brian's seemed pretty down lately, so we just thought he needed a bit of a pick-me-up," Robert Koehler, of The Marmot's Hole said. "He provides the scoops for close to twenty percent of my posts now, so I thought I owed him at least this." Two anonymous people following Robert chimed in, "We hate Brian." "Yeah. He's a tool," but declined to identify themselves. "Hey guys, leave me alone," Robert told them. "Your hanbok sucks, anyway," one said. "Let's go find Dave Sperling," where Dave ignored them and offered DokdoIsOurs a job. "We are best job for you and every month pay on time it's the our guarantee!" he said.

"He's got great shoes," Mike Hurt said; "I didn't even realize until we all came down here, but man, look at those goddamn pumps! They must add, what, four inches to his height!" When asked why he came down to Brian's cheer-up party, the Metropolicician referred DokdoIsOurs to one of his websites. "You can check my ideas on the topic at BombEnglish.com if you want; I also reference it on FeetManSeoul. Tell all your friends to visit, too, if you want.  I was on TV."

"But really, what does Brian's blog mean to you?"

"It means I don't have to dig around on Dave's ESL Cafe, because he does. Brian has saved me a lot of effort, and he's funneling off a lot of the trolls and VANKers that used to load up my comment boards."

"You SUCK!" somebody shouted from a corner of the room.  Nobody even paid attention.

The Grand Narrative's James Turnbull also came out from Busan.  "I like the posters Brian has on the walls here.  I might write an article about them," he began.  

"So what do you think about Brian and his blog?" 

"Oh, it's very popular in Busan.  There are many in Gyungsan province who think he's actually FROM there, because of the derisive tone he sometimes takes toward Jeolla-do."

"I like him," PopSeoul, who did not wish to be named, said, "but I'm pretty sure he had plastic surgery in 2007, and he's totally fatter than he used to be when he started out.  But heck, I still love him.  Go crazy, commenters!"   Three people shouted, "First!" and one shouted, "Wanna buy Viagra?"

Matt, of Occidentalism, staggered by, drunk, with a troll clinging to his leg.

The organizer of the party, Joe MacPherson of Zenkimchi fame, said his Seoulpodcasts would be a full hour shorter each if not for Brian, but FatManSeoul was mostly there to try the different Jeolla-do foods.  When asked for a comment, she simply kept singing, "Skate, skate, skate, skate," to herself, under her breath.

Roboseyo, RWellor, and WeveGotSeoul seemed a bit dismayed.  "You know, I'm a bit worried about the guy, all out by himself in Jeolla-do.  He never writes about his friends. . .sometimes we wish he'd just come up to Seoul so we could show him a good time.  We've tried cheering him up by posting funny comments on his website, but it just doesn't seem to be enough."

Jello Mando of A Year in Mokpo, Andy in SK and TK Park, The Korean of Ask A Korean! were not able to physically be at the party, as they were all in America, but tuned in for a conference call on Skype, and expressed their concern as well.  The Korean was wearing a pair of rubber dog ears.  "Because The Korean is a funny guy!  He would even speak of himself in the first person if it would cheer up poor Brian."

Lao Ocean Girl and Expat Jane declined to stop for an interview with DokdoIsOurs, as they were too busy batting away all the infatuated white male bloggers following them around and laughing at everything they said.

Party Pooper stood by the snack table, trying to block people from reaching the tastiest snacks, braying alternately, "I'm the funniest guy at the party!" and "Everybody here is an asshole!  This party sucks!" but even that was not enough to drag down the party atmosphere.  The EV Boyz changed the words to their hit song, "Kickin' It In GeumChon" to "Kickin' It In Suncheon," singing joyfully.

"Jesus Tapdancing Christ, this is really touching, guys.  In fact. . . I feel a strange. . . warm feeling. . . coming over me. . . "  DokdoIsOurs was quick enough to get his video camera rolling to catch what transpired next.

After all that, Party Pooper broke the happy silence by walking to the DVD player.
"Hey Brian.  I made a video for you."


callyjane said...

Hahaha that's so funny and cute! Made me wish I had a K-blog of my own so that I could've been at the Brian cheer up party and had myself so nicely roasted. You did miss Korea Beat, though. I'm sure he'll be terribly disappointed.

Dokdo Is Ours said...

and ROK Drop, too, for that matter... which is too bad because I owe GI Korea one for linking me.

But these articles can only be so long before people stop caring, you know.

If I missed your blog, or a blogger you like, and you want them to be at the party, too, you can add their interview in the comment section.

(flames will be zapped though...unless they're REALLY funny)

Brian said...

But Lao Ocean Girl is really hot.

Brian said...

I'll tell you what, it was really nice to meet everyone, not just Lao Ocean Girl I was surprised that Michael Hurt TALKS IN CAPS LOCKS IN REAL LIFE, too.

But the really annoying thing was when I'd say something and six hours later The Marmot's Hole's Wangkon would shout it louder and play as if he came up with it in the first place.

Dokdo Is Ours said...

The party was nice, but the annoying thing was when Brian would say something and six hours later The Marmot's Hole's Wangkon would shout it louder and play as if he came up with it in the first place.

Party Pooper said...

I WAS the funniest person at that ridiculously shitty party. Anyone who says otherwise is a moron.

By the way, the comment Brian made about Wangkon shouting everything Brian said 6 hours later was funny, but the way Dokdoisours plagiarized it in the following comment made it much funnier. Not sure why.

Anonymous said...

Clearly I didn't show up because there was nothing to translate.

Regina said...

What upsets me is this party required me to travel so far away from so many of the infuriated white men I run away from.

I hope that Brian appreciates my sacrifice. ;-)

Dokdo Is Ours said...

too bad you weren't there, Korea Beat. Popular Gusts was looking for you the whole time. He had this photo, from your blog, see, and then he got on google maps, and triangulated your position, and . . . .

Anonymous said...

The only thing missing from your report, near as we can tell, is a discussion of how that skate tasted! It was glorious, beyond all imaginings. It has totally changed Fatman's view of the universe and our place in it.
Oh, and we hope Brian feels better now.