Tuesday 16 September 2008

Seoul City Unveils "Amsterdam of Korea"

In Korea's five thousand year history of comparing itself to other cultures, Dongdaemun-gu district administrator No Long-Dong has unveiled yet another Korean equivalent to add to the list of comparisons.

"Korea's Korean Wave of Equivalents to Other Cultures" is proud to add yet another knock-off to Korea's growing equivalency culture.

"Just as the KTX is Korea's Bullet Train, Han Ga-In is Korea's Olivia Hussey, Lee Myung-Bak is Korea's Sarkozy, Seoul Forest is Korea's Central Park, and Chunggyecheon is Korea's Seine River Banks, and Seoul National University is Korea's Harbard, we are proud to unveil yet another Thing In Korea to Compare To Things In Other Places That Are More Famous."

No Long-Dong giggled with glee as he stood in front of the mostly male crowd near the Lotte Mart outside Chongyangni Station. "Gentlemen and Gentlemen, rather than paying lip service to crackdowns and shut-downs, depriving men and women of their pleasure and livelihoods, it is time to embrace the unique culture of Korea by naming it after a famous place in another country. From now on, Chongyangni's prostitution district shall no longer be a dirty secret, but it shall be known, and marked on city maps as the De Wallen of Korea."

De Wallen is the famous Red Light District in Amsterdam.

"I am proud to say our humble district has joined the ranks of Korea's Beverly Hills, Apkujeong, Korea's Manhattan, Yeouido, Korea's Kentucky, Chungchongdo, Korea's..." Mr. No cut himself off and smiled apologetically:  "I've always said speeches should be like skirts: easy to maneuver around and off as soon as possible."

All twenty-four hundred members of the press who had come to the event chuckled. "To commemorate this special event, the brothel owners and I have agreed to give out forty percent discounts in all Chongyangni room salons, love motels, and brothels, from now until dusk." With a sound like a great rushing of wind, to Dokdoisours' wondering eyes, every journalist in the entire crowd stood and started moving. No Long Dong continued his speech with a smile. "Please give ear now to my respected colleague, Long Ta-King, who would like to give a detailed history of Red and Purple light districts here in Chongyangni. . . anybody still here?"

Dokdoisours raised his intrepid hand.

"Aah! Hello! Werkam to Korea!" No Long-Dong greeted DokdoIsOurs and his long nose. "How long you been Korea?"

This reporter did not answer.

"Does anybody else have any questions, then?"

A cricket chirped.

"Very well, then. Mr. Long Ta-King is here now with a history of the red light districts in . . . Mr. Long?"

Upon glancing around, it seemed that Mr. Long, too, had disappeared. The press conference seeming to be over, DokdoIsOurs gathered his unbiased equipment and headed to the bus station. Mr. No jogged after him.

"So. . . do you know kimchi?" he asked.

"Sorry. I got to go."

"No, please! I want show you real Korean culcher!"

With a fake and a dodge, this dedicated reporter managed to escape, yet again.

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