Friday, 19 September 2008

Why Dokdo Belongs To Korea: Korea Times Essay Submission

Sweet! Dokdoisours has discovered a contest right down his alley: the Korea Times Dokdoisours Essay Contest. First prize is a plaque, and a trip for five to Hawaii Fukuoka New Zealand Anywhere anybody could possibly conceivably want to go a boring seagull farm in the middle of the sea of Japan Beautiful Dokdo itself! Dokdoisours shall enter this contest, and invariably win.

Dear Jepan:

I'm twelve years old. In all my life I never saw such a terrible thing like such as trying to take Dokdo away from nice Koreans. Korea is a nice country and I lived here five years since my Dad took me here after the divorce, and it's great here because Korea have lots of really old cultures like such as Korean Wave and such as also Bae YongJoon, so it is really surprising when Japan tries to like take Dokdo away from the harmless peaceful Koreans who never invaded other countries a hundred years ago and made people stop speaking such as Korean like you did, but it was easier making them stop speaking Korean in the Philippines than in Korea. . . anyway, we never did anything to hurt you except such as teach our language so that Japan language sounds like Korean and when I think about Japan trying to take Dokdo away from Korea I almost feel like crying, crying like one of the beautiful white Korean seagulls that lives on the lovely Korean Island of Dokdo.

There is lots of evidence that Dokdo belongs to Korea such as for example look how angry Korean people get when Japan tries to steal Dokdo from them -- don't you think that is like proof, and how does it feel when thousands of Koreans stand outside your embassy in Seoul shouting bad words and throwing things such as fruit at you? Wouldn't it be easier to just like give Dokdo to Korea so that you can have happy neighbours instead of such as angry protesting neighbours? (By the way, Fukuoka is nice, too.) My Korean friend's mom told me about these really old maps that are really old like such as three hundred years or maybe older than your maps, because Korea taught Japan how to speak Japanese so our maps must be like older than yours and even though I've never seen the map, because it must be really old, so it's probably such as in a museum somewhere, I think that it should prove Dokdo belongs to Korea, plus, it's not the only map, because there are new maps coming out every month that are even older than the old maps that prove that Dokdo belongs to Korea, and Korean historians and scientists wouldn't like make it up or lie just to make their country look good.

When I think about Dokdo, which is often because my Korean friend's mother loves to tell me about it, I feel happy such as because Dokdo should belong to Korea, but I feel sad because Japan tries to steal it like, such as and take the oil under the water they kidnapped girls from Korea called comfort women, and any country that can do that or try to make sweet Korea a colony or like bomb Pearl Harbor like in that movie with Josh Hartnett where he's cute before everybody stopped liking him because Mitchell Musso is WAY cuter, or like rape Nanking and have all kinds of cartoons about Samurais that are full of fighting such as Japan is obviously I've never been there but it must be a nasty evil place, so if you want to stop being nasty and evil, then you should say I'm sorry to the comfort women and apologize for building all those ugly old buildings in Korea like Seoul Station and City Hall and give Dokdo to Korea to show you want to be such as friends, so that Korea and Japan can be happy neighbours and so that my friend's Elementary School Teacher can stop teaching his students that Japan is an evil country full of kidnappers and land-stealers and bad moral sex shops like my dad's dirty videos that I found once on his computer, for example, I mean I'm twelve years old and I think that's horrible and you should stop, right away, or else I'll never visit your country and tell everybody that you stink and I'll stop liking Inuyasha, A Feudal Fairy Tale, and maybe even stop watching it too.

So if you want to fix all that problems, you should GIVE DOKDO TO KOREA!

Sincerely: Tammy Norbrand

For once, Dokdoisours shall permit plagiarism insofar as this: if you wish to submit this very essay to the Korea Times, Dokdoisours shall smile upon your filching of my words. Just change the name.


Charles Montgomery said...


nice... you got the voice bang on the head..

Sorry to ask you this in comments, but I didn't see an email address?

My name is Roger Wellor (I found you on the Korean Blogger site) and I’m doing a study of the successes and failures of Korean International Tourism Marketing. I have a brief survey online that I invite you to take. It is designed to be answered by Korean/US bloggers and to give a slight outline of how these cross-cultural thinkers evaluate Korea’s International Marketing.

Your email will not be used for anything other than this survey (in fact it is not a required field in the survey) and if you have any questions, I can be contacted here at

Here is the link:

thank you,


Anonymous said...

As I always say to my students...." if you use another God-damned conjunction incorrectly I swear I will hunt down your ancestors and beat them senseless"....AND....."Indent your worthless excuse for a paragraph""nice is your sticker".

Brian said...

LOL @ anonymous.