Monday 14 June 2010

The Big Rock Candy Hagwon

To the tune of "The Big Rock Candy Mountain," by Harry McClintock

The Big Rock Candy Hogwan

One evening as the sun went down and the hogwan kids were squawking,
At the Wa Bar I sipped mekju, and a waygook started talking:

"I'm heading to a school not far away, apply if you know someone;
So come on board and let's work for, the big rock candy hagwon.

"At the big rock candy hagwon, the mothers never call
they like when you play hang man, and the kids walk in the hall

"the boss knows about teaching, but he won't get in your way
he trusts you to do what you know how to do, the mothers bring gifts and appreciate you,
at the big rock candy hagwon.

"At the big rock candy hagwon, the office dinner's fun,
the big boss never gets too drunk,
backs off when folks are done

"the schedule's made months in advance and his English has no flaw
you don't have to grade, sick days are paid, nobody's ever done a midnight run
at the big rock candy hagwon.

"At the big rock candy hagwon, twelve hours a week's the max,
the school pays for a penthouse suite and it never deducts tax
the first years make three mill a month for any old degree
the students' hot aunts want in your pants, the lessons plans are all songs and chants,
at the big rock candy hogwan.

"I'll work my best where there ain't no tests, where an hour of class earns an hour of rest,

"I'll move right on, they won't know till I'm gone, and I'll never ever meet another crazy mom, three million won and a midnight run, to the big rock candy hagwon.

The song is by Harry McClintock. The words above are by Dokdo Is Ours. If anybody wants to set these words to that tune, you have both my permission and my blessing, as long as I'm allowed to put your video or MP3 on my blog.


The White Buffalo said...

That's the funniest fucking thing I've ever read.

You, my dear friend, are a genius.

Keep up the good work.

Unknown said...

that post was full of awesome!

JIW said...

I love that song and ironically it has been in my head lately. Good post!

Anonymous said...

OK. So you ae trying to steal my shtick. After I have parodied two songs. Mr. Korean and Blame Waygookin. You know this means war.

LKF1 Http://

Dokdo Is Ours said...

Yeah, Anon/lkf1/Korean Culture Explained. I went through all one month of your archives to find stuff to steal.

Write me an e-mail, please.

Dokdo Is Ours said...

By the way, thanks, Mr. Wonderful.

Unknown said...

Hilarity at its finest. Love your blog!!!

Unknown said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Flint said...

Well done! :)

Anonymous said...

This is excellent!