Korean Startup Smashing Success Despite Not Doing Anything

A young marketer has been shocked by the success of his internet startup this month, going from a simple website to franchised business with five locations, including high-brow locations like Myeongdong, Apgujeong, and Bundang. The catch is, he doesn't even know what he's selling yet.

Shin Hwang-suk started his website about six weeks ago. "I wanted to really catch the wave of what people were talking about -- you know, what's on everybody's minds these days... I conceptualized the website with that in mind, and it looked really bitchin'."

That website started out unknown, but ballooned to over 200 000 visits a day in just three weeks, when businesses started calling.

"The website name is 'Oh My Propose Storypia' and other startup entrepreneurs and venture capitalists really liked what they heard... I didn't have to do any promotion at all, actually. They just approached me," Shin explained, seeming a bit overwhelmed. "They found spaces and wanted to catch the wave before the whole thing played out."

The new stores are ready to open, but as Shin says, there is nothing to put on the shelves. "Really, that doesn't seem to bother these investors. All they cared about was finding hot enough doumi girls to dance outside the store during the grand open."

above photo courtesy of: Superlocal

That seems to be taken care of.

"But do you think customers will be attracted by this marketing plan?" Dokdo Is Ours asked.

"So far there have been hundreds of people per hour walking by to check out the unfinished storefront, ever since the sign with the company name, 'Oh My Propose Storypia' went up."

"Will you be spending money at this place?" Dokdo Is Ours asked several passers-by who stopped to see if the store was open yet.

"Oh sure," Jang, a young lady in her twenties answered.

"What makes this place so attractive to you?"

"There's only English on the sign. Really... it must be pretty elite stuff, you know, to only have English on the sign. They've probably been to America or something. I hope I can buy a t-shirt with their logo on it, because people will think I've been to America, too."

However, there seems to be a snag in Shin's business plan: directly across the street, with even hotter doumi girls, is another startup that has been attracting buzz both with its image-heavy and content-thin webpage, and with the catchy lingo on its colorful sign. Indeed, in today's tough economy, it is questionable whether the market will be resilient enough to bear both "Oh My Propose Storypia" and "Do You Know it's A Virus-holic Zone!" on the same street.



Does Shin think "Do You Know It's a Virus-holic Zone!" will stand a chance against the marketing juggernaut that is "Oh My Propose Story-pia!"? "They're not actually selling anything either, but damn -- their English letters are way bigger than the ones on our sign."
Only the market knows for sure.

Seoulites Will Walk on Left, Right Side of Sidewalk; Korea to become Hub of Global Walking Culture

The Korea Herald Reports that the government will revise relevant laws in order to keep pedestrians walking on the globally recognized right side of the sidewalk. This will lead to an international culture of less jostling on the sidewalk.

Cho Sung-tae, deputy director of the ministry's public administration division, explained that in order to implement the law, police will be re-allocated from corruption and crime investigations, human trafficking crack-downs, traffic safety patrols late-night subway station surveillance and school zone safety, to patrol busy sidewalks ticketing people who walk on the wrong side of the sidewalk. "We will do whatever necessary to ensure the lawful perambulation of Korea's great people."

"And what about the corruption, human trafficking, road safety, and victimization of children in schools?" Dokdoisours intrepidly asked.

"Oh, those problems will still be there when we get back to them."

Some pedestrians were not happy about this new development. Kwang Young-joon, a pedestrian in crowded Gangnam, asks, "Why do they have to control every part of our lives? I wanted to blog about it, but I was afraid I'd get arrested. And can we at least have sexy traffic girls guarding the walkways, instead of pimply boys doing their tours of duty? After all, we're starting to resemble North Korea in other ways."

Some suspect corruption to be behind the new law as well: it is suspected by anonymous insiders that the take-out restaurant lobby was behind this law getting passed, in order to keep the middle of the sidewalks clear for their motorbikes.

When asked about the take-out lobby, Mr. Cho had no comment. "Not now. I'm eating this free bowl of Jajangmyun."

Korea to change spelling of Instant Coffee to acknowledge Korea's Unique Food Culture

Chang Tae-Pyong has unveiled another step in his plan to bring Korean food to the world:



In order to rebrand Korean coffee and increase recognition of this unique Korean drink, we have decided it is time to differentiate our unique five-thousand year old drink from other drinks worldwide. From now on, we will not spell it "Instant Coffee" but "Insutanteu Coppee" to show the unique Koreanness of what was once called "Instant Coffee".

We think it is time to establish this unique brand of Korean coffee: it is sweeter than other countries' coffee, and convenient, because it is instant, reflecting modern Korea's quick economic development, and showing Korea's ancient culture of speedy, low-quality work. It is only through efforts like this that Korea will truly enter the world stage.

In order to establish brand prestige, Korean Instanteu Coppee will also be re-priced, from about fifty won per straw of instant coffee powder, to four thousand won per straw of Insutanteu Coppee.

"If Starbucks is only thirty years old, and they can charge 4000 won for a cup of coffee, our five thousand year old recipe is certainly worth more than that."

Asked whether there had been much interest in the newly priced, newly re-spelled Insutanteu Coppee, Mr. Chang shifted in his seat.

"The world will come around once they realize they are wrong. We cannot change our five-thousand year recipe just for them. They need to understand our culture. If necessary, we will correct their wrong opinion of Korean Insutanteu Coppee."

Dokdo Is Ours reporting.
http://www.koreatimes.co.kr/www/news/nation/2009/04/117_43613.html

During Economic Downturn, Salarymen Downgrade From Golfing To Practicing Golf Swing on Subway Platforms

While street food stands have been feeling the pinch of the latest economic downturn, responding with raised prices or all-out closures, while seniors have discovered inflation of their own, with new recycling rates of ten won for three, instead of two milk cartons they collect on their carts, even middle-managers and some executives in Korea have experienced a diminished quality of life during these hard times.

"It's just sad," division manager Kim Hansong said in a recent interview, "I used to go golfing about monthly with the CEO at his country club; once we even went golf-whoring in the Phillipines together, and let me tell you, twenty four holes in twenty four hours ain't an easy bet to win... but these days, I haven't been to a country club in about eight months."

"So how," Dokdo Is Ours asked, "Do you continue feeling superior to your employees and workers, when you are no longer golfing with the boss to assert your higher rank?"

"Well, in the absence of actual trips to the country club, I've discovered that just by practicing my golf swing on the subway platform, I can let people know I'm better than them."

"The subway platform?"

"They don't need to know I used to have a company car," Kim huffed. "For all they know, I'm one of those environmental guys. Everybody likes those environmental guys," Kim said, making quotations with his fingers.

"And do you think these practice golf swings does an adequate job of keeping your subordinates in place?"

"It helps me feel better than strangers on the subway AND subordinates at the office. Of course, I also do other things at the office to make sure people know I'm the boss: for example, I throw coffee at the secretaries, and refuse to promote them ahead of the men in the department -- haha -- even though two of them have Ph.D's! I also steal people's ideas and take the credit, and stifle the most ambitious, creative ones with soul-draining menial work... but the golf swings help, too. Sometimes I do them at the water cooler as well."

"I use umbrellas on rainy days -- those are especially good -- but in a pinch, even a rolled-up newspaper will do as a stand-in for a real golf club." Then, as a reflection of the deep suffering the world economic crisis has caused, Kim's eyes seemed to mist over. "I just look forward to the day," he said, brushing his tear duct, "when I can go back to mistreating country club employees, instead of just my own employees. I may have to sexually harass one of my female Ph.D. secretaries to feel better about it all," he said. "Should I threaten to fire her, force her to drink soju, or grab her ass? Maybe all three? What do you say?"

Dokdo Is Ours declined to answer.

Indeed, the world economic downturn has had unexpected results in many poignant places, and the case of Kim Hansong is just one story among the thousands of people being forced to do without the things that once made their lives more enjoyable.

Dokdo Is Ours, reporting.

What your Korea Blog Sidebar Links Say About You:

Korea Times/Korea Herald: I want my blog to seem authoritative, but I don't know how.
Chosun Ilbo online: I like photos of T'n'A
OhMyNews: I don't know what journalism is. And I'm a commie.
Korean Class 101: I like to pretend I study Korean online.

Party Pooper: I am forgiving of infrequent updates
Frog In A Well: Very forgiving.
Annti Leppanen: No, seriously, really, extremely, VERY forgiving.

Marmot's Hole: Nothing. Everybody has Marmot's Hole. It's the "X is for Xylophone" of the K-blogs.
Brian in Jeollanamdo: Almost nothing, but more current: everybody has Brian on their sidebar.

Dave's ESL Cafe: I don't read blogs.

Roboseyo: Forced smiles are amusing to me, or I enjoy blogs that are thinly-veiled applications to write for the Korean Tourism Organization

All K-Pop: moral outrage helps my K-pop kid-porn go down easier.
Popseoul: either I prefer my K-pop updates with cattiness, or I also have a huge crush on Big Bang, and think the Wondergirls are fat hoes.
Dramabeans: I don't mind that everybody gets cancer

Seoulpodcast: apparently, I hate Korea. Or I love it too much. And like talking about myself. Guest? What guest?
Zenkimchi Food Journal: I forgive Joe for being busy with so many other things that he can't update the food journal very often.

Dokdo Is Ours: I have impeccable taste in K-blogs, and am probably good in the sack, too.

Korean Law Blog: I'm such a fan of the Marmot's Hole it's a bit unwholesome.

Kushibo: I think there's no such thing as too many posts per day'
Japundit: Even more so

Occidentalism: I am addicted to Dokdo ranting

The Grand Narrative: Either I am smart, or I want to look smart. The K-blog sidebar equivalent of having a leatherbound edition of Shakespeare on your shelf.

ROK Drop: I like awesome blogs: second only to Dokdo Is Ours as an indicator of excellent blog taste.

Eat Your Kimchi: My K-blog list is current. Or, I'm new in Korea.

Big White Barbie Does Busan: either 1. I like my slices of life as trivial as possible, or 2. I'm too lazy to carefully read blogs before I include them to add regional diversity.
Kiwi Andong Blogger: either see 2. above, or I like redheads.

Amanda Takes Off: I was looking for a token female blogger two years ago.
Chubbo Chubbington: I was looking for a token female blogger six months ago.
Our Girl in Daegu: Thought I'd kill two token-birds with one stone, and link a female from outside of Seoul. Sweet!
Nightmare Believer: I'm not brave enough to write a truly offensive blog myself, so I'll link one in solidarity

Quest For Cuteness: I have kids and/or like pictures of housepets.

Ask A Korean: The What White People Like of the Korea Blogosphere: everbody links it, everybody says they like it, everybody skims the latest posts once a month, and that's it.

On My Way to Korea: I'm waiting for him to get here and hate it.

Scribblings of the Metropolitician and King Baeksu: I put them next to each other on the sidebar to see if a fight will somehow break out on my blog. In fact, by forcing them to share a line, I expect some fireworks here on this blog.

Hub of Sparkle: I got nominated for a golden Klog award, and didn't want to be rude.

Seoul Eats: It doesn't bother me when a blog's content doesn't fit its name. LOL! Viral videos rock!!!11!

Nora Knows Nada: I don't know anything.

FeetmanSeoul: I'd link Asian Sirens, but this way I can look at legs without the guilt.

The Yangpa: I haven't updated my sidebar links in a looooong time.
Big Hominid's Hairy Chasms: in a REEEALLY long time.
Oranckay: I don't know how to delete a link from my sidebar.

Tucker in Korea: Tucker in Korea is a personal friend of mine.


None of the above: My K-blog is for my family.

Bass Ackwards

Ladies and Gentlemen:

Korea.
Hub of Hot Adult Girls acting like Babies



and

Hub of Babies acting like Hot Adult Girls


I got nothin'

Paternity Test Reveals Yuna Kim's Father is Jesus Christ Himself

(or so you'd think from all the hyperbole)

Dokdo Is Ours reports a startling, but then again, not too surprising revelation: blood tests have revealed that Kim Yuna, Korea's sweetheart and figure skating hero, is the daughter of none other than Jesus Christ himself.

The young lady, recently coronated "Queen Yuna" by her adoring fans, first drew suspicion one day, after skating practice, when all the other skaters had left the ice; Yuna bravely soldiered on, practicing to the limit of her endurance, until one of the rink managers stepped out onto the ice, and discovered it had melted completely: the charmed Yuna had been skating on water for about an hour. This was the first recorded miracle of Yuna, and certain clergy began to observe her surreptitiously, to look for more evidence of her deity.

After her startling world-record-setting win at the Four Continents' Championship, Father Chang Hoon-seo approached Yuna to request a small blood sample, to test the theory that she was indeed, of different stock than the rest of us.

Careful investigation followed, and in the end, after several weeks of exhaustively comparing Yuna's DNA with her father's, mother's, as well as a number of blind samples, the Catholic
Investigatory Committee, in cooperation with Seoul National University's Science Lab, conquered their doubts, lit some votive candles, and called a press conference.

"It is our holy pleasure to announce the coming of Yuna, not just as the Queen of Women's Figure Skating, but of all under earth and heaven, with this new revelation." Bishop Chang Yoon Dong proudly declared.

Once the news came out, this early family photo of Yuna Kim leaked to a Naver discussion board, removing all doubt for the faithful.


Yu In-chon, Korea's minister of Trade and Tourism, thought that the Korean star's divinity would not just make things difficult for her rivals, but would have a benefit for Korea at large.

"We think the eventual prostration of all the world before Yuna Kim as the Queen of the new heaven and earth will be very beneficial for Korea's brand," Mr. Yu crowed. "When the New Jerusalem comes down from heaven, all Koreans will certainly be proud to see Yuna skate over the Sea of Crystal and join her father Jesus, the Son of God, to rule for all eternity. We anticipate a sharp rise in tourism to Korea as pilgrimage trails to her birthplace in Bucheon and her home in Gunpo are carved into the city, lined with relic shops and Dokdo posters."

Until the return of Queen Yuna's father, and the establishment of the Kingdom of Heaven on earth, however, good Christians, and all worshippers of Queen Yuna are encouraged to air her skating performances as often as possible on all television stations, and watch them repeatedly, bring her up in conversation as often as possible, and boo Japanese skaters during competitions.

And as a public service announcement, skating fans and good religious folks everywhere, remember: flowers for Yuna, shoes for Asada!

Upset By Expat Comment Boards, Dooly the Dokdo Dinosaur Ends His Life

Dooly, the lovable animated dinosaur well-known in Korean animation history, has tragically ended his life. During a twenty-year plus career on Korean television, after gaining thousands, maybe millions of fans, Dooly shocked children and adults alike with his suicide.

Dooly has a long history of supporting Korea's claim of the Dokdo Islands in Korea's East Sea, but apparently he has been hurt too deeply by the mean-spirited comments regarding Dokdo on expat blogs.

The Chosun Ilbo was quick to publish a photo slideshow of the suicide site, where Dooly ended his life by ingesting large quantities of seagull excrement and feathers, and announced it will be providing a live internet feed of the funeral, with black carpet commentary by popular Korean game show host Kang Ho Dong.

When asked for comments on the shocking turn, few netizens wanted to speak up, but Gerry Bevers claimed he was in close and frequent correspondence with Dooly, though he would not reveal what nature those correspondences took.

"I wrote him, oh, ten e-mails a day or so, you know, giving him advice on what he should do to support his Dokdo claim, and what he could do with his maps. I'm sure he'll be missed by his friends," Mr. Bevers said, "We disagreed about certain things, but I hope he read between the lines of my polemics and saw the warm affection I had for him."

A short suicide note named several major Korea blogs, and also several commenters well-known to those who move around the Korea blogs. Due to Korean privacy laws, names will be blanked out in Dokdo Is Ours' exclusive reprint of the suicide note's text.

"***** ****** your nasty comments cut me too deep, at ******'s H*** and also at ****'s *** C***. I saw no warm affection in them. Me spend too much time fighting for Dokdo, and ***** just say rude things. Me so sad. Me want end it all. Sorry kids. Don't try this at home."

Dooly's premature death leaves many Dokdo supporters in the lurch, upset and unsure who will lead Korea's Dokdo charge in Dooly's absence, and hopes are high that singer Kim Chang Hoon or poet Choi Yong Hearn would take up the mantle next.

The death of yet another popular Korean public figure has led to renewed calls for a real name commenting system to be enforced on the Korean internet, possibly even of foreign based websites.

Among the supporters of measures to limit negativity on Korea's blogs, both Korean and English blog hosts, was Maryland Scholar Jon Huer.

"Really, I don't think these low-brow, self-hating idiots with mental problems should be able to set the terms of the conversations. They're just poopy pants and ignorant bum heads, and I think they're dumb, but they're not the boss of me. So they should be sent to their rooms with a time out and no toys and they're doodee heads. MYAH! These guys just keep criticizing me and I don't know why. It must be because they're all idiots and sophomoric drug-addled low-moral-character bumholefaces. They should all be banned from the internet forever if they don't like my unique brand of witty, yet perceptive social commentary."

It remains to be seen whether the public outcry over yet another star suicide will lead to a change in Korea's internet laws, but even if they do, such changes will be too little, too late, to bring quietus to the bereaved fans of the lovable baby dinosaur Dooly.

Rest in Peace, Dooly.